


Breathe

by xo_marauders



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Crying, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sad Sirius Black, Sirius Black Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-24 08:03:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20355115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xo_marauders/pseuds/xo_marauders
Summary: It was nothing—nothing. The day had gone perfectly fine, wonderfully, even. But then the voices in his head convinced him that something was wrong and he couldn’t figure out what it was. His head ached terribly and he clenched his fists tightly, his nails carving tiny half-moons into his palms, while he rocked back and forth on the floor in the boys lavatory.





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> TW: panic attacks. it's a bit rough so please take care of yourselves. <3

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get enough air forced into his lungs fast enough. The churning in his stomach and stinging of tears in his eyes weren’t helping either. There was no escape from the rolling waves of anxiety crashing over him.

It was nothing—_nothing_. The day had gone perfectly fine, wonderfully, even. But then the voices in his head convinced him that _something_ was wrong and he couldn’t figure out what it was. His head ached terribly and he clenched his fists tightly, his nails carving tiny half-moons into his palms, while he rocked back and forth on the floor in the boys lavatory.

He had escaped there quickly after dinner, feeling his skin starting to prick and his body shake. He needed to leave and the bathroom happened to be the most secluded area he could find in the short period of time before his panic attack completely overwhelmed him. How he wished James was there with him. James would know what to do. James always knew what to do. Why couldn’t he be more like James?

“Fucking _breathe_, Sirius.” He told himself, his voice quivering with each word. His eyes clenched shut as did his jaw as his chest shuddered with raspy breaths. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_.

“Sirius?”

A familiar voice echoed across the tile and Sirius lifted his head slightly, letting out a sob instead of an actual reply, and pretty soon he saw the face of his boyfriend, blurry through his tears. Remus knelt down in front of him, gently holding out his hands but not touching Sirius, just in case the dark haired boy reacted badly.

“Sirius? What’s going on?”

“I don’t—I don’t _know_.” Sirius hiccuped. He wished he could provide some answer, some explanation as to why he was losing his _fucking shit_ in the middle of the bathroom floor, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t give that to Remus and he couldn’t give it to himself and it was the most frustrating thing in the world.

“It’s okay,” Remus said, a soft smile appearing on his pink lips. “Let’s just…let’s just breathe, okay? We can talk about it after.”

Remus started breathing slowly and deeply, motioning for Sirius to do the sams and after about twenty more minutes of their little exercise, Sirius was finally starting to calm down. Exhausted, Sirius slouched forward, his forehead landing on Remus’s chest as the other boy carefully carded his hands through Sirius’s long dark hair and held him.

“I’m sorry.” Sirius croaked after a moment, his voice hoarse. “I…I honestly don’t even know why…” His voice trailed off, unsure how to even finish that sentence. Remus just shook his head and planted a kiss atop Sirius’s head.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you now. It’s okay.”

Sirius nodded. He wanted to believe Remus, really he did. But it wasn’t okay. Not really. It never would be, he never would be.

And it seemed that he would never know why.

This was just something he did, without any rhyme or reason. He would break down again and have to be rescued by the same arms that were currently holding him together, but not able to completely fix all the broken pieces inside.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading  
comments and kudos are always appreciated   
follow me on tumblr @xomarauders


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